1986’s Eliminators plays like somebody dumped a box of mismatched action figures on the floor, yelled “movie!” and started filming. Imagine if a sleep-deprived screenwriter watched The Time Machine, Robocop and an Indiana Jones film back-to-back, then rewrote them all in one delirious weekend with a $15 budget and a stack of VHS tapes from…
Cinderella (1977) – Review
It’s hard to believe there was a time when you had to leave the house, buy a ticket, and sit with strangers to watch something naughty. Long before OnlyFans, streaming tabs, and the infinite scroll of regret, erotic films were a legit theatrical business. 1977’s Cinderella is a leftover artifact from that era, when soft-core…
Young Sherlock Holmes (1985) – Review
From Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce to Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, cinema has produced no shortage of takes on the world’s most famous detective and his steadfast companion, Dr. Watson. Some versions stick closely to Conan Doyle’s text, while others sprint off in their own, more enthusiastic directions. Then, in 1985, Barry Levinson…
Can’t Stop the Music (1980) – Review
In what can best be described as a glitter-smeared trainwreck, Can’t Stop the Music tried to ride the disco wave just as it was collapsing into a rhinestone-studded sinkhole. It’s a musical fantasy loosely inspired by the formation of the Village People, and more accurately, a monument to what happens when camp, chaos, and coke-fueled…
Sextette (1977) – Review
There are cult classics, there are vanity projects, and then there’s Sextette, a film that somehow manages to be both, and neither, all at once. Whether you find the result horrifying or hilariously watchable depends entirely on your tolerance for the absurd.